When a female has penetrative sex for the first time, it hurts a lot. Right?

When a female has penetrative sex for the first
time, it hurts a lot. Right?
That's what society tells us. Hell, even the sex ed
taught in schools warn us about it.
Sorry, but fuck that. In no way should sex ever be
truly painful, for a woman or for a man. Maybe it's a
scare tactic used to prevent young girls from having
sex "too early," or a remnant of olden times where
sex was usually the male thrusting his penis into the
young girl without any foreplay or anything before it.
Either way, this way of thinking seriously needs to
change.
Girls grow up fearing sex, knowing it's going to be
extremely painful. Men continue to push through
painful sex with their female partners, thinking it's
"normal," and after a few times it will start feeling
better for her. People believe it's just that they have
to break through the hymen, and that's what's
causing all the pain.
The number of individuals who believe the hymen is
located inside the vagina is astonishing. By now you
would think it would be common knowledge that the
hymen is more of an outer covering of the vaginal
opening than something that resides deep within the
vagina. Most women have already broken their
hymen by the time they get to sexual play. Whether
it's through sports or from using tampons, most
hymens break easily. If a hymen is actually difficult
to break through, that woman should be going to her
doctor and having it removed without having to
experience any pain at all.
Most people aren't taught the importance of a
woman being aroused, wet, relaxed and warmed up
from lots of foreplay before attempting to have sex,
especially for the first time. I can't tell you how many
emails I've gotten from distressed females and their
partners about how they can't get a penis inside, yet
never even thought to engage in fingering and other
important foreplay acts beforehand.
What terrifies me even more is how so many women
who experience pain with only one finger inside still
go and try to fit a penis in their vagina. If one finger
hurts, in no way should you be progressing onto
penetrative sex with a penis.
The most common medical condition that causes this
pain is vaginismus. Basically, it's when the vaginal
muscles involuntarily tighten up. With the vaginal
walls squeezing shut, trying to push anything inside
can be incredibly painful, no matter how wet and
turned on the woman may be.
Cases range from very mild to severe. The mild ones
usually require the woman being more comfortable,
finding ways to get rid of her "nerves," and learning
how to relax. This is usually done with extended
foreplay sessions and building up a lot of trust with
her partner. It often has a lot to do with
understanding that sex shouldn't be painful, and
there's nothing to worry about.
This form of vaginismus is one of the main reasons
for sex being so painful on a girl's first time. They
anticipate the pain, and it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy. The more extreme cases, however take a
lot more work to get over. Dilators are frequently
used, where she inserts specialized dildos of different
sizes (at an incredibly slow pace) over time. Physical
therapy, pelvic floor exercises and other medical
interventions may be required as well.
Vaginismus iscurable, no matter how bad the case.
But it takes going to a knowledgeable doctor and
learning how to go about fixing it.
Other things that may cause vaginal pain are using
lubes containing parabens, glycol and glycerine,
being allergic to latex condoms or even the male's
semen. You may also have an actual medical
condition, like vulvodynia, a deviated vagina,
infection, cystitis, or a whole range of other medical
possibilities.
This is why having a good gynaecologist who has
actually learned about sexual pain is so important.
Unfortunately, the majority of doctors are not aware
of the scope of female sexual pain. Many women are
sent away with the doctor telling them it's all in their
head and they just need to relax.
If this ever happens to you, never take that as your
answer. You should never just grit your teeth and
suck the pain up. Sex is meant to be pleasurable, not
painful. Well, not unless it's consensual, intentional
pain, like in BDSM play! That's when it's okay.
So long story short? Sex should never be painful on
your first time. Uncomfortable, sure. Most women
who have sex for the first time have never used toys
inside them. So the vaginal walls end up stretching
more than they have before, which causes micro-
tears, which causes the bleeding and discomfort. The
hymen may have already been broken, but it also
stretches out further than before, which adds to the
aching.
Women shouldn't be having sex until they've been
fingered comfortably with at least 2-3 fingers. What
would be even better is if they went out and bought
one or two toys that were a size or two smaller than
their partner's penis, so they could slowly lead up to
penetrative sex. It's all about spending a lot of time
on foreplay, being comfortable with your partner,
being wet enough and relaxed, and gradually
working your way up to your partner's penis size.
Then you can enjoy fantastic, pain free, incredibly
pleasurable, satisfying and fun sex!